He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
