If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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