Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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