i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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