the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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