Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
