just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
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