So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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