My first STD was from a foam party
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
