she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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