i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
