they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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