You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
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Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
there is glitter all over my balls
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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