Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
