the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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