Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
