what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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