I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
