BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
