Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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