Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
