it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
