i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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