He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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