It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
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He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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