god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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