just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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