I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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