I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
