My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She has the best kind of daddy issues
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
