I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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