This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”