note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
