My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
