I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
