I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
