According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
