before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
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his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
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my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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