Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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