Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Found the puke drawer
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
