why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
