I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize