why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
