Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
