He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
