You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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