just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
