I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
