i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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