i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
