I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
