Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Randomize
