Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
