It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
