if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
