One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
