Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
