umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
