apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
