Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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