It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
