At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
