**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
