yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
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we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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