she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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