my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I need moral support for this bender
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
