Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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