god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
love makes seman taste better
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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